we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
