Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
