youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
