I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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