i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There's always time for handjobs
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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