So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
