I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
