My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You're so nebulous sometimes
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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