it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
