you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
