Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
