I have demons in me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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