I feel like abortions should bother me more
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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