the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
