he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
