The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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