Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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