This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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