wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
