ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
