Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
