ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
