And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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