I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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