he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
