Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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