At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
