The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
