Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
