i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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