I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
