I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
