My hand turned me down
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
