I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
