I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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