worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
