I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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