sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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