I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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