The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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