Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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