I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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