Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
