Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
