Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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