Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
