Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
