she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
