I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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