he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
