I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
