i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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