Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
