Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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