Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize