Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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