Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
