I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Someone shattered a urinal.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
