Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
