I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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