i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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