One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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