is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
