rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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