actually, I'm a sock model
i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
