This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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