but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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