Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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