at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
