yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
