Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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