I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
