pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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