I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
